The morning was going pretty well.
With this new schedule I am finding more time for myself and the kids wake-up at times that correspond with getting ready for school with ease, for example.
We’d all had breakfast and and by 9:30 I was getting ready to head to the grocery store for a few ingredients I needed for a crockpot recipe.
I was feeling peaceful: able to get out and to the store without a long journey with the kids. I could get in and out and get back in time to have a days full of work!
As I drove down the road, I saw a police car with another car and passed cautiously under the speed limit. There were a number of cars behind me and moments later I noticed the flashing lights again… behind me!
The flashing lights were behind me!
The last time I was pulled over was high school…college maybe… long enough ago that it was the first and only time since I’ve had a license.
So 15-20 years later, I was freaking inside immediately and the officer knew it.
As the police officer approached, I rolled the window down, only imagining what would happen next. Television and daily news of police brutality didn’t exactly leave me with glowing expectations.
Can you roll the window down, please
I guess it wasn’t low enough…
Do you know why I pulled you over?
I didn’t know… were there unpaid parking tickets… Did they even pull you over for that?!?
We have a plate reader and I was alerted that these plates were suspended… because of an insurance lapse.
Immediately I knew what happened and I was sick about it. My hands shaking as I reached for the license and registration.
“But we have insurance”
It’s not about that. There was a lapse and the state just wants their money.
The lapse was a classic example of control. In September after my card was declined, there was a debate over money — quite typical because I make little to nothing and he has the regular income. At the time, I had a little money because of a freelance gig but was then scammed and lost around $1900.00 ($700 of which was his), so when the car insurance came up I didn’t have it AND he was punishing me for what it felt like having employment and choosing the full-day school option for our daughter. He said he wouldn’t pay the insurance and by the time he said he would and mailed the check, the policy was cancelled.
When it was reinstated we had to pay an additional fee AND we received a notice from the state regarding the lapse. To my understanding that was all taken care of and our insurance policy was to inform the state that we indeed had insurance.
Everything was back on track mid to late October and the lapse according to our insurance was about a week.
According to the officer, the registration was suspended at the end of November.
It looks like all of this either took a long time to process or something was not reported correctly. We certainly received nothing in the mail and everything is up to date.
This, however, was information that unfolded.
In the moment I was terrified.
This is a misdemeanor. The car needs to be towed and the plates removed. This is an arrest.
You have got to be kidding me. I was shaking and in such a state. Wanting this all to end.
Calm down. I’m going to cut you a break. Call your husband and I will check this out.
I called and since we had been in silence, my number was still blocked. I called and called and called – messaged two-three times and finally messaged a friend.
This had been a discussion with another friend a couple days ago.
“What if you have an emergency and he doesn’t answer”.
I was terrified of this exact moment and here it was -LIVE!
He answered and I told him what happened, the officer had just come back on and he spoke to him informing him of the seriousness of this matter and threat of arrest.
He was obviously as shocked as I was.
The police officer let me go with two tickets and I called insurance immediately and of course saw a few more police cars. I was panicking.
When I got home, I had calmed down but was still processing.
The feeling running through me the most. The opposite of what a marriage should entail: abandonment.
It’s not to be melodramatic. It is to say that his action of not answering my phone call and then telling me once home and I confronted him calmly as to how scared I was and how I felt that even in an emergency I could not count on him: abandonment.
The idea that I could have been driving in the high way with the kids and there was a likely chance a state trooper vs. our town cop was not going to be so leniant: abandonment.
When will I take true action?
When will I just leave already?
How do I leave?
For me those answers are: Financial Stability, Fix Credit, Buy a House.
My children deserve a home. Not Rental after rental. They deserve a home.
I am working to that end, hoping I am not too foolish and knowing some will see me as very foolish.
Inside I am hurting. I am alone and sad, yet I see the light at the end.
I see my speaking up for other and myself.
Pulled over… but NOT pulled down.