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“You’re not there to be abused”

“You’re not there to be abused”
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Had my interview with the Social worker for S.N.A.P. (food stamps).  The hope was that I would qualify and be able to buy food without his money.  If I don’t buy what he wants or likes it’s a fight, so he just shops and comes home, so I can’t even start dinner until 7 or 8 and he cooks really, because he doesn’t like the way I cook.

The social work sounded friendly.  I was grateful to do it over the phone.  We chatted some and she put me at ease and then we got right down to business with what I needed to send in…

Panic began to set in…

Passports, pays tubs, SS Cards…bank statements.

Easy for myself and the children.  But he changed his bank account.  I had no access and that was the most important thing.  Taxes wouldn’t work.

We talked it through.  I panicked as she went through what we needed.

Sweet talk him

Not only was sweet talk not going to work, but the impression he would get from any sort of sweet talk was not a message I was even comfortable sending.

The paperwork needed was more than I felt comfortable getting.  It would have meant sneaking around and snooping for documents.

We talked through more than I thought she was maybe supposed to.  But she knew what was going on.

This is hurting you.

I could tell when you broke down and cried.

I felt the tears.  The rush of the answer, “No”… meant my magical solution was gone.  What was I going to do now?

That’s where women go wrong.  You don’t have to let these men know where you are going.

You’re not there to be abused

“Do I want to stay in this type of relationship”…  If he doesn’t want to give you the documents then you know the answer.

No need even pressing it.


She was doing her job and following the rules.  There was no way around it.

I’m not there to be abused and the only way out of it was separation or divorce.  That’s the only way I could eventually qualify…

So… next steps…?